Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 44
Advice Archives: Number 44
The request
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The request
I was seeing a guy for 2 years. During the second year we both got heavily into coke. I stopped shortly after last Christmas and he continued to do it, which obviously ended the relationship. I truly love him and now he is calling me again. He now only does coke occasionally, and I was wondering if he could know what he feels about me when he is not really himself?
Aalize replies
Know this. He is still using coke. It doesn't matter that he tells you he only does it occasionally. It doesn't matter that he is calling you again. The fact is: he still does coke. You remember those days, don't you? Do you really want to start doing coke occasionally also? C'mon now. Coke addict equals drug addict. Just say NO to drugs.
The request
What do you consider more important between significant others, friendships or relationships?
Aalize replies
Friendship. Friendship is so important, and strenghtens the relationship. It's hard to have a relationship if the two people involved aren't friends.
The request
School just got out, I ask this guy who says he's my friend if he's going to call me after finals. He says yes , but then adds maybe. I say O.K., why don't you email me your new phone number? (he just moved a month and a half ago). He grins and says I'm going to keep you on the edge of your seat. Finals ended a week ago, no call yet. Is this guy being a jerk or not? I can't figure out if he still wants to be friends or not.
Aalize replies
You said school just ended, did you learn anything? Anything at all? First of all, don't allow a so-called friend to keep you on the edge of your seat. A true friend would not treat you so poorly. Secondly, if he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, he doesn't. You can't make him call, so don't sit around waiting for him to call.
Is he being a jerk? No. If he wants to talk to you, he will call. You can't figure out if he wants to be friends or not, huh? Are you sure you don't want to be more than friends? Don't do desperate. It never works.
The request
I've caught my boyfriend twice in 2 years with other women, and found emails he sends to women. He's 49, and has invited a 22 yr old to lunch this week. What am I to do? Otherwise, he's a great person, & treats me wonderfully when I'm WITH him. I can't trust him. Should I end it?
Aalize replies
Imagine what he's been doing the times you didn't catch him. You've found e-mail he send to women, and you're aware that he plans to meet a woman this week.
It's obvious that you can't trust him, so why shouldn't you end it? You can confront him, try to discuss it and ask him to change, but at 49, he may be set in his ways. You don't deserve to be treated poorly. If he can't treat you like a lady, if he can't respect you --- you may want to leave him for someone who can. Remember, life IS too short.
The request
Recently my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. I still care for him deeply. He plays on that part of me because he knows I care. The sad thing is, I can not say no to him when ever he calls to see me over a long period of time.
The last time he called (in February) I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore.This June he called me again. I went over to see him and we had sex and fooled around. The problem is I don't regret it, but consiously I know I can't do this because I 'm setting my heart up for a fall. I'm only 22 years old and he is the second person I have had sex with. I find though when I am having sex I'm tense and fidgety. I can't enjoy my self. Is there something wrong with me? I need advice on how can I relax and enjoy the experience.
Aalize replies
Since you can not tell this man no, you need to change your phone number. He calls you when it's convenient for him. You're tense during sex with him because you know he doesn't love you, and that you're being used. You will be able to relax and enjoy sex when you engage in sex with a person who has feelings for you as well.
The request
I'm 23 and I have lived beside of this guy for a year. Within that year he has flirted with me and gave everyone the impression that he's interested in me. I also had a boyfriend at the time and we ended on very bad terms. Since then, I have realized that I have a lot of feelings for this neighbor and I have told him and he responded with he feels the same, but he don't want to screw up our friendship.
He has me spend the night but will not have sex with me but will sleep with me and fool around. What's up do I keep this guy as a friend or push a little harder for something else?
Aalize replies
When a man tells you that he is only interested in a friendship, believe him. You know they tend to want what they can not have. Now that you're 100% available, he only wants to be friends. You just got out of a relationship that ended on bad terms. Give yourself some well deserved time alone.
The request
My ex-boyfriend dumped me for his other girlfriend. He owes me money. How do I get him to pay me?
Aalize replies
Girlfriend or no girlfriend, if he owes you money --- ask him for it. If he doesn't make an effort to pay you, call Judge Judy.
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