Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 33
Advice Archives: Number 33
The request
Aalize's Advice with ATTITUDE!
NOTE: There are countless lame advice columns popping up on the internet every day, and there are many advice columnists who will tell you exactly what you want to hear. Aalize does NOT play that. She is often imitated, but never duplicated.
If you DON'T want to know the Real Deal, or if you DON'T want to take a trip BACK to Reality, we suggest that you DO NOT ask Aalize. She gives it up, so don't trip.
If you need Honest, Direct & Poignant Advice, feel free to Ask Aalize!, by completing our Advice Request Form.
Keep your eyes on the Aalize's Advice with Attitude! area, you never know when your Confidential Advice request and reply will show up! Remember to read our Daily Advice column every weekDay!
The request
I'm a 23 year old house wife. Me and my husband have been together for almost eight years. We've been married going on three. I love this man and I know he loves me. He's never cheated on me or disrespected me. We have a great marriage but the line of communication between us isn't that great. I want to know how to get my fine man to open up to me more. We have an excellent sex life but I want us to know each other better. I love him and I want him to tell me what's on his mind. Am I being paranoid?
Aalize replies
You're not being paranoid, you're suspicious, aren't you? Let me tell you something. Your marriage isn't as great as you say, for if it was you wouldn't be writing to me. You do not "know" that your husband is not cheating on you, you hope he isn't. It's all about the possibility of the 8 year itch, don't lie to me! If the lines of communication appear to be down, open them up! Schedule some nightly or weekly "alone time" with your man girlfriend! If you don't know how to communicate with your er, fine man, there are thousands of female that do.
Don't try to get him to tell you what's on his mind. The mind is the one thing that we as humans have total control over. His mouth can say "I missed you all day boo. Come over here and give me a kiss." At the same time his mind can be thinking, "I wish Tyeisha would hurry up and page me, I can't wait to get away from this nagging bitch." You'd never know.
You've grown from a child to an adult with this man. If you don't know him by now ...
The request
I have been going out with my boyfriend for nine months now. In that time we have gone out to a club only once. We never do anything together. When we plan to do things, something gets in the way. He always goes out with his brothers and friends and I stay home all the time. He also works long hours as a barber. He says he loves me, but I have to wonder. He comes over at my home, and sometimes we have sex, sometimes we look at movies. I have every possible number to reach him. I don't think he is cheating on me, but I am not sure.
I have to beg him to call me. I go over at his home very often to sleep over or spend time. I confront him about his behavior and he thinks I complain too much. He says women only nag. He claims he has to do what he has to do. Most of the times I call him he is either at work or at home. Why don't we do anything together, I wonder? Does he love me? Is he using me? For Valentines day we did nothing together. I spent Christmas and New Years alone. He tells me we will do things together, don't worry. How long should I wait? I really love this guy. What should I do? I have decided to ignore him. Is that the right choice?
Aalize replies
Leave his ass the alone. Literally and figuratively. He's holding on to you until the 'lil honey he's trying to get with gives in. While you were alone on the holidays, believe me, he wasn't. While reading your request, I see the excuses you're making for him. "He works long hours ... he says women nag ... he goes out with his brothers and friends." Woo, woo, woo. If he can go out with his brothers and friends, he can make time to take you out. The fact is, he doesn't want to.
If you and he never do anything together except sex, you're better off without him. Ladies, listen up. When a man likes you, he WILL find a way to call you, visit you and take you out When they start with that "I was busy" shit, get a clue. There isn't enough busy in the world to stop a man from calling or being with you if he WANTS to.
The request
I have been going out with my boyfriend off and on for two years. I had other men on the side though. I have been hearing from close friends of my boyfriend that he has 15 kids and he is a player. When I ask him, he denies it all. I really like him, please tell me what to do! Should I be a player and not a player hater? I am yet to find a good man in this world, that is why I hold this view: Men are players, they break hearts. What should I do?
Aalize replies
Listen up Miss "I had other men on the side though." You had other men on the side and the rumors are that he has other women on the side. What's the problem? 15 kids? Hell, did you actually expect him to admit to that?! It's not about being a playa or a hater, it's about respect. If you don't respect yourself, don't expect others to respect you. It's a fact that we are still having unprotected sex. Stop gambling with your life and get one. The writing is on the wall. you can either read it, or erase it.
By the way, some men are players. Some men break hearts. The exact same is true for some women.
The request
I recently found out that I am pregnant. I am a 20 year old college student with a three year old child. The guy that I am pregnant by told me that he didn't think that the child was his. He then called me offering to give me money for an abortion. Now don't get me wrong. I know that we should have not been having sex without using a condom, but it's too late for that speech. He is in his third year of college and as stated above doesn't want any children. I don't want to have an abortion. He has told me that if I have the child he is going to take care of the baby because he was raised that way. I am confused. I am well aware of the hardship a woman of my age has to endure when it comes to having any children, but I want my baby. I just don't want to get an abortion. We are no longer together, nor do I care to be. The feelings are mutual, but we are still good friends. Any advice?
Aalize replies
If you want to have your baby, have your baby. Here is my advice to you. Your baby will need child support. Gather as much information about your baby daddy as possible, especially his social security number. Once the baby is born, arrange a paternity test immediately. If it's proven that he is the child's father, establish a child support arrangement with him. If he can't do this cordially, get the courts involved. Remember to continue your college classes, and going forward use a condom no matter what.
The request
My boyfriend and I were best friends for two years before we hooked up. He said he always wanted me to be his girlfriend, but I was scared of what my family would think. We are an interracial couple. I love him with all my heart, and I know he does too. My problem is this. Most of my black male friends keep telling me this won't last. They continuously tell me that he will leave me for a black woman because even though he loves me he will want a black female in the end. Please tell me this is a bunch of shit and I am paranoid. He has never given me any reason to believe this, but I am scared that it may happen. He has even been discussing getting engaged.
Aalize replies
Girll, this is a bunch of shit and you are paranoid! Your er, uum friends, cannot predict the future of your relationship with your current boyfriend. They may be trying to start trouble in paradise with the hopes of you giving them a play. Enjoy your man, ignore the mess.
The request
When you are little everyone always ask you, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" My problem is I am 26 years old and I do not know what I want to be in life. I am in college. I hate my major and I wish I could start school all over again. I really want to know, what should I do?
Aalize replies
First of all, if you hate your major, change it. Here is the key to what you want to be in life. Ask yourself, what is it that I love to do? What is it that I'd do for free if I were presented with the opportunity? It's been said a bazillion times, when you do what you love, the money will follow.
The request
Me and my girlfriend are having problems. She says that she still loves me but she wants us to separate again. What should I do?
Aalize replies
I was in this exact same situation! I was seeing this man who claimed he loved me, yet he wanted "some time to think." Initially I was pissed off, and even tried to make him see that we needed to be together. Then I decided to take my own advice and let his ass go. After I analyzed the situation, I realized that he really didn't bring much to the table except a very long tongue, feel me! Bottom line, don't allow anyone to waste your time. Life is too short to be miserable.
Remember to check out our Daily Advice Column every day!