Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 34
Advice Archives: Number 34
The request
Aalize's Advice with ATTITUDE!
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The request
Like, I met this really super guy about six months ago. He wants to get Married, but I think it is too soon. Like, my question is how long is too soon because we both have been married before. Am I just too chicken to make another commitment to marriage?
Aalize replies
Like, you can't put a timeframe on love. Like, people have gotten married after knowing each other for as little as one week! Like, if you love him and he loves you, like go for it!
The request
I am doing a report on rap music and I want your personal opinion. Do you think rap music is here to stay? Does rap have a future?
Aalize replies
Rap music is here to stay. Rap and Hip-Hop stands alone, yet has a strong influence on R&B, gospel and even heavy metal music. From the early collaborations of Aerosmith & Run DMC with "Walk this Way;" Kirk Franklin & The Family featuring Cheryl James (Salt, of Salt & Peppa) with "Stomp;" Brian McKnight & Mase with "You Should Be Mine," to the recent collaboration of Ice Cube & KORN with "Children of the KORN," rap music definitely has a very bright future.
The request
I live with my grandparents and they are really old-fashioned. I can't go anywhere and I am 17-years-old going on 18 . I like this guy, but I don't want to talk to him because my grandma doesn't want me to go anywhere. I have to sneak to do what I want because they don't give me any freedom. Can you help?
Aalize replies
Of course I can help! The nerves of your grandparents to love you enough to want to keep you safe and out of harm's way! At 17 (going on 18) I'm sure you know what's best for you. You can definitely take care of yourself, right? Better yet, the guy that you like will probably ride up on a white horse and whisk you away into the sunset away from your mean, strict, old- fashioned grandparents! Reality check: they're strict on you because they love you unconditionally. You will go through many boyfriends in your life, but not grandparents. Listen to them and heed their message. They are only trying to ensure that you don't become a single-parent welfare queen with various baby daddies.
The request
I am a black woman and I have a very close friendship with a male friend. Recently we have been sharing some intimate feelings with one another and want to take this to another level. But, we can't until we solve an issue. This issue is my best friend/roommate he used to date years ago. Although she now has a man, she swears sometimes that he is the one for her and wishes she could get him back. She has also been very jealous and critical of all the women he dates and sometimes I feel she's jealous of our friendship. So should I date him and lose a best friend and move out, or not date him and sacrifice some true happiness in my life?
Aalize replies
Girl, you'd better get yo' possibility of happiness on! Ex-girlfriend will get over it herself, trust me. What they had was in the past. The fact that she can't let go is her problem, not yours. Date him. I truly don't think you'll lose her as a best friend, but be aware that there is a chance that you just might. Imagine the worse case scenario. Can you deal with it? Decide yes or no and proceed accordingly.
The request
I like to have cyber sex and phone sex. I don't want a "real-life" partner. However, I do have needs. This way, I can get my rocks off while being disease and emotional- free. Does this make me some sort of "cyber-ho"?
Aalize replies
The short answer is yes--you're a cyber ho' and a fiber optic ho'. The long answer is if you're having cyber sex and phone sex with a variety of cyber/phone partners, Y-E-S, you're a cyber ho' and fiber optic ho'. Disease free, yes; emotional- free, not so fast. You may sign off the computer or hang up the phone all moist between the legs, but I'll bet there's a emptiness in your heart. It's okay. Man wasn't meant to be alone - and neither was woman. Cyber sex and phone sex have their time and place, but there's nothing like the real thing, baby. Recognize.
The request
I want to know why do men always have to act so damn hard in front of their friends? It's almost like they can't be real around their boys! What age do men really start being men? I always assumed that if I got an older man, then I would somehow pass all the bullshit? So let me know what age should I be focusing on. I'm 25, girlfriend.
Aalize replies
Men that constantly act hard in front of their friends are immature. Maturity doesn't automatically come with age. It's not about the age of the man, it's about the man. Instead of focusing on the age of the man, (because some of them never start being men), focus on the man. Get to know him before you get involved with him. Find out if the two of you have anything in common. Get to know his character and sense of self respect. Get to know his sexuality. Being bi-sexual seems to be the "in" thing lately. There are a lot of dogs out there, but there are also some good men available.
The request
I have been with my fiancée for two years and our relationship seems to be going pretty good. The only problem is that he's locked up. We were together for nine months before he got incarcerated for possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver and $13,000. I knew he was selling when we met, but I honestly thought he would stop after he made enough loot. Now, he's telling me when he gets out, he is going to get a job and work. I have serious doubts about that because he will still have the same friends when he comes home. He's going to see all them with all those shoes, cars and gear and just go back to that lifestyle. I love him with all my heart, but I am a senior college student majoring in criminal justice and I can't have a criminal for a husband. Should I let him go or stand by my man and see if he is going to change?
Aalize replies
Assuming that this was his first offense, I'd be inclined to say give him a chance to prove himself. We all know that there are extreme dangers in being involved with someone who is in the drug game, and he's been locked up for 15 of the 24 months since you both have been together. Sometimes being locked up gives an individual the shock treatment needed to appreciate a normal life on the outside. Hell, who knows what would have become of Malcolm Little (Malcolm X) had he not been sentenced to prison in 1946?
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