Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 22
Advice Archives: Number 22
The request
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The request
About six months ago, I met a man via the Internet that I really like. We talked for a few months before actually meeting in person and went out three times before having sex. I am 25 with a 7 year old son and he is 44 with an 8 year old daughter, 16 year old son and another daughter and granddaughter. Recently, I spent the night at his house and the next morning, after he had left for work, I read his e-mail. I honestly was not snooping, I was going to leave him a cute message, but I realize that what I did was still wrong.
Anyway, while reading his e-mail, I found out that he has been corresponding with another woman that he met via the internet. I also found a personal ad which he placed wherein he says that he is looking for his "soul mate". He has told me that it is a harmless flirtation, no different than you would do if you were out with somebody in a club. I am confused. He is a really nice guy. He usually calls me every night to talk to me and comes to see me at least once a week (he works shift work and I also work so we both have very busy schedules). I do not know what to make of this. I do not want to be immature and fly off the handle over something minor, yet I do not want to be taken for a ride either.
Also, how long do you need to be dating before you start introducing somebody to your friends? I have not met any of his friends. I have met his daughter but not his son. I think perhaps he is having a problem with the age difference and is afraid of what people will think about it. I don't know if he considers me a "young" woman to play around with until the real thing happens or what. Please help. Do you think he is using me for sex while he's waiting to find his "soul mate"? What should I do about this?
Aalize replies
It appears that he is searching for his soulmate, that's what you read, isn't it? That's what his personal ad stated, isn't it? I wouldn't equate his corresponding with another female via e-mail and placing a personal ad for a Soul Mate with harmless flirtation. Don't be confused, some men are never satisfied.
If the man and the woman are serious about the relationship, they usually will consider introducing one another to each others friends after dating for a couple months or so.
You might want to have a heart to heart talk with this man so that you can see where his head is. It appears that he may be playing games with you, and he may be stringing you along until he actually finds his soul mate.
The request
I have a male friend. I explained to my friend that I bought him a gift for Christmas. His response was "I did'nt buy you a gift." It has been five weeks since I've seen him. I would like to know how can I handle this situation. When we talk on the phone the conversation is very brief.
Aalize replies
Ms. Rigorous, Ms. Gyrl --- please, pretty please --- leave that man alone. The phone conversations are very brief because he probably doesn't want to talk to you. The silent (telephone) treatment is a bitch, ain't it?
Gyrl, look in the mirror and love what you see. Tear up his phone number, throw it away, and file all relationship thoughts of him in the trash can of your memory.
The request
This guy I've been dating for only two weeks, already asks me to sleep with him. I am a virgin and he is not.
Lately he has been a little distant and he never calls me; I always call him and I'm getting sick of it. What do you think is going on here? I'm starting to fall for him and I'm scared I'm gonna get hurt. What should I do?
Aalize replies
Y ou should leave his ass alone, pronto! He has made it crystal clear that he is very interested in sex with you, and not very interested in a relationship with you. If you get weak and sleep with him, you will get hurt; make no mistake about it.
Don't even think about throwing your precious virginity away like that! If he wants you to lose your virginity to him after only two weeks in a very one-sided relationship, tell him to get lost.
The request
What do you do if you have been WRONGLY accused of doing something that you had absolutely NOTHING to do with and because an older person said they saw you and chances are i will be found guilty when in reality i didnt do it. Please hurry I need this advice badly!
Aalize replies
I suggest that you tell the truth. Inform everyone involved that the older person has you mistaken for someone else, and be able to prove where you were, and who you were with when this instance occurred.
There really isn't much more that you can do. I believe that you will be just fine; remember --- the truth will (usually) set you free.
The request
I am 40 years old and find myself in love with someone half my age. He found me on the internet and we have been writing each other for two years but have never met. He loves me too. Do I go for it?
Aalize replies
Snap out of it! If I've said it once, I've said it 1000 times --- you are NOT in love with him; you've NEVER met him! He's NOT in love with you; he's NEVER met you! You, and he, are in love with the fantasy of what you hope will be.
Why have the two of you not met? Two years is a loooong time. Have you exchanged pictures? Have you spoken on the phone? Have you been totally honest with him? Has he been totally honest with you?
If you've been totally honest with each other and if the two of you are willing to take the cyber-relationship to the next level --- go for it. Realize that in reality, he may not be what you expect, and vice versa.
The request
I have been trying to talk my girlfriend into having Anal Sex with me for the last several months and she still refuses. Is there something wrong with trying new things? I don't think so but, she does. I told her she should relax and just try it, if it hurts her, we'll stop. I can't seem to talk her into it. Do you have any advice that might help me to at least talk her into trying it?
Aalize replies
Well damn! With a handle like BigSlam, I can imagine why she is hesitant! Seriously, here is some useful information on anal sex. For starters, it puts you at the higest risk of contracting the H.I.V. or A.I.D.S. virus; not to mention syphillis, gonorrea, herpes and veneral warts. Although many couples engage in anal sex, the rectum was not designed for penetration by hard objects.
Don't try to manipulate her. She doesn't want to engage in anal sex, respect her decision. No, there is nothing wrong with trying new things, but how willing would you be if she insisted on trying new things involving you, her and a strap-on?
The request
I fell for this girl the second time I saw her. I had been thinking of her everyday, but after a few weeks I found out that she is in a relationship. But I just can't give her up... help?
Aalize replies
Of course you can't give her up --- she isn't yours! Don't do this to yourself. Focus your attention on another girl, one who is available.
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