Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 21
Advice Archives: Number 21
The request
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The request
I am overweight. I made resolutions to lose weight, but I am off to a poor start. I am very unhappy with myself, and as a result I don't date very much. I've tried everything, but I'm still fat! What can I do?
Aalize replies
Many of us think that there is a magic formula, pill or solution to weight loss. There isn't. Many of us think we can actually lose 50 pounds in one week. We can't. Keep reading, I will share with you my personal weight loss solution. Guess what? You *don't* even need to send in a single payment of only $29.95!
I don't take this situation lightly. I, like Oprah Winfrey, have been a multitude of sizes --- from as small as a size 7 --- to as big as a size 22! Let's face it, food is good! Througout all of my contact with various health clubs, fitness centers, diet pills, diet shakes, diet bars, diet juice drinks and counting food exchanges in that damned little journal, I have come to realize this:
Unless you have a serious medical condition, the real solution to weight loss is simple. Eat less and exercise more.
Why are you unhappy? Gyrl, life it simply too short for that! Put on that oldies but goodies c.d. (all of us have at least one!) and work that body! It's 1999, and you're alive! Yeaaaah, bay-bee! You're going to be alright!
The request
I need to Know what to do. My girl freind is stressed out from things happening to her all at once. I want to be supportive. I don't want to push her by asking whats wrong. I need to know how I can help her the most with out giving advice. I don't want to stress her out more.
Aalize replies
I feel you. You don't want to seem overbearing, or all up in her business. Let her know you're there for her by simply buying her a card and writing something similar to this inside:
Baby, I know that you're experiencing many diffulculties and challanges. I don't want to pry, and I'm not going to pry. If you need to talk about it, I'm here for you. I love you.
The request
I have been married for 15 years... have two great teen-age boys... was not happily "in-love" with husband... met wonderful man on the internet and could not stop thinking about him... Finally met him and realized "what" I wanted... I want my husband to be just like him, his actions, his emotions, etc... Now, I am faced with a very important decison that I do not take lightly... do I leave or do I give my husband of 15 years one more chance to be the person that I need now?
Teen-agers tend to forget about their moms... and I have been so lonely.. husband has tried changing a few times in the past... now though I think that he knows that I am serious!!! Just asking for more advice... too much certainly will not hurt!
Aalize replies
You don't know what you've got til it's gone. Don't discard a lifetime for one moment in time. Mr. Internet is everything you wish your husband was, huh? Why would you even consider leaving your husband of 15 years for someone you just met? C'mon now, I thought you were smarter than that! Of course Mr. Internet was exciting --- he's new!
All relationships (including internet based ones) have their ups and downs. Mr. Internet was on his best behavoir. It was his duty to make you feel special --- it was a first date! I would suggest that you talk with your husband. Have a long talk. A no holds barred type talk. He may not even be aware that you're feeling so lonely at this time in your life.
Put some zip back into the relationship that you have. The tried and true one. You may want to try the Sybaris Pool Suites. One weekend at the Sybaris, and you will fall in love all over again. Call your travel agent and plan a second honeymoon. After raising two teen aged boys, you deserve it.
The request
I like many of your questioners am very much in love, except that I'm coping with a long distance relationship right now. We tried to date long distance for a year, and we just ended up getting more irritated and antsy towards each other. Since then we have called our relationship off because of the distance, but we have told each other that we still love one another and that when out fates provide it, we should get back together.
Here's the problem: we still call each other, even more than when we were dating, and we still tell each other that we love each other, and our relationship is actually better than ever! Fine, right? But when I go to visit her, I don't know how to be with her--- we're not dating, but it's like we are. We both agreed not to start up a serious relationship until we live in the same area code again. I don't know what to do. I want to do everything I did with her when we were dating (for three years!), but I can't, because we have to remain friends. I know its a bit complex, but what can I (we) do? She's also facing this dilemma.
Aalize replies
Don't even try it! You and your er, friend are letting the words get in the way. What you have described is a relationship that has suddenly been titled a friendship.
There's an oldie but goodie that goes something like this, You can be her friend, you can be her lover --- I know in your heart you'll agree --- you don't have to be one or the other --- you can be both to each other. I'm sure you get the message --- Be gone!
The request
I have recently been dating a woman who has been divorced for over a year. I really like this lady, and she likes me. But, she says that she is not ready for a relationship. We spend all out free time together. My male friends say that I should spend less time with her because if I keep seeing her, then I would be falling into the "friend zone". My female friends say just give her time and she will come around. What do you think?
Aalize replies
Too late! I think you're already in the friend zone. Remember, she has already been honest with you by telling you that she is not ready for a relationship. Do you think she is a liar? Listen people, listen!
I must side with your male friends. Don't let her continue to string you along. If it's a relationship that you're interested in, you may want to become interested in someone else.
The request
An ex-girlfriend tells me the other day that she'll ask me out sometime, but I want to go out with her now. I've tried flowers, being nice and everything. I'm not sure if she likes me or is interested in me but I still like her. What can I do? I want to take her to my prom 5 months from now but I'd like to start a relationship with her now. Her attitude changes from day to day, some days shes's nice others she's really mean. What should I do?
Aalize replies
Cut to the chase, stop beating around the bush and ask her out. Stop buying her things and making a fool out of yourself. If you're not sure whether or not she likes you, she probably doesn't. I like. I want. I've tried. What can I do? That's some selfish sh*t!
Newsflash! Relationships are a two way street. It appears to me that you're driving down a one way street, and you're headed for a dead end.
The request
How do you know if your man is cheating on you?
Aalize replies
Simple. You know your man is cheating on you when you find yourself writing advice columnist. Don't front. You don't wonder, suspect or think perhaps --- you know. Now the real question is --- what are you going to do about it?
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