Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 12
Advice Archives: Number 12
The request
Aalize's Advice Archives: #12
The request
Aalize, I value your advice. I've been with my boyfriend now for 11/2. He's the nicest yet most stubborn guy I've known. He's from Africia and twice, referred to what the women do and don't do in his country. I really love him but not sure if I'm IN love with him, we've talked about marriage and he thinks we are headed for that, I guess I assured him of that. We don't have sex because I don't fornicate, and he's waited. But I really don't want to be with him anymore. I don't feel comfortable with his background and view on some things. How do I break is off without all the drama and explaining. Is saying I just don't want to be in this relationship anymore too cold?
Aalize replies
No, informing him that you don't want to be in the relationship anymore isn't too cold, it's true. We're moving into a new millennium, and tiptoeing through the tulips ain't going on, nah mean? You're doing the right thing by NOT leading him on. You've changed your mind about the relationship, it happens.
You don't owe him an explanation, the fact is you've chosen to discontinue the relationship. Inform him that you've reevaluated the relationship, and it isn't what you want right now. Sure, you may have assured him that you wanted to marry him, but you've changed your mind . He WILL get over it.
The request
I have a boyfriend and i really, really like him but his neighbor( His best friend) is soo nice and i really like him too. But he has a girlfriend and we talk very often and he trusts me a lot and he always tells me how much he loves his girl ( he loves her to death).
Recently when i went out with my boyfriend and the guy, he ( the guy) was only telling me stuff like he'll give me a love touch and he held my hand at a point of time and he always flirts with me , ALWAYS. I have no idea if he likes me because on one hand he always flirts with me BUT on the other hand he loves his girlfriend sooo much he even bought her a diamond ring. I really love him a lot but i don't know what the hell to do. This is kinda like my 'MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING' he's my best friend but he's in love with someone else BUT he always tells me all sort of flirtatious stuff so he kinda likes me. WHAT IS GOING ON, PLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE tell me what is going on!!!?
Aalize replies
Here's what's going on. You're NOT listening. Didn't he tell you he LOVES his girlfriend? Believe him. Flirtacious stuff can't hold a candle to love. I'm sure he likes you, you're his friend.
He LOVES his girlfriend. He bought her a diamond ring. Besides flirting, what has he done for you lately?
The request
OK listen up.............. i love my boyfriend's BEST FRIEND. AHHHHHH!! what have i done? i love them both and they both like me but my boyfriend's best friend has a girlfriend and they are really serious ( nearly married) even though i like his best friend its even worse i like him MORE than i like my boyfriend. WHAT TO DO??? But i don't think that he'll ever break up with his girlfriend EVER!!!! HELP ME PLEASE!
Aalize replies
No, you've got to help you. What in the hell are you thinking with? You like your boyfriend's friend more because he's UNavailable. Not good. If you don't think he'll ever breakup with his girlfriend, exactly what is it that you expect him to do to/with you? Save yourself a lot of heartache and grief, stick with your boyfriend, or breakup with him; but leave that other gyrl's boyfriend alone. Got it?
The request
Okay. I'll get straight to the point. There's this guy I really like. I've known him for four years and we always seemed to be sort of friends. He always talked to me and was very nice. And funny...But recently I starting liking him more than a friend. I suspected that he liked my best friend but she told me that I'm stupid and wrong. Everyone told me that. Then we looked him up on aol. I got nervous and told my friend to say something to him. They talked and he dissed me behind my back. He says I belong in a mental hospital and need a tan badly. I don't know whether to talk to him or keep my distance. Or if he hates me...or if he just doesn't want to be my friend. So what should I do?
Aalize replies
Now that was just plain cruel of him! With friends like that, who needs enemies? Keep your distance, see a pshychiatrist, (just in case, one can't be too careful you know) get some Coppertone and hit the beach.
The request
I am a black, 27 year old, lesbian who has been in a committed relationship for the past 4 years. There have been peaks and valleys throughout the relationship, but for the most part it has been relatively rewarding. However, my partner stopped me from seeing my bestfriend (of 13 years) because she found out that we had been intimate when we were teens, and the fact that when she (my partner) and I first met. Unfortunately, my partner and I are somewhat estranged now because of some difficulties in communication.
I love her to death, but I don't think that I am in love with her anymore. She and I don't see eye to eye about anything (and never have). I'm a very free spirited person due to the fact that I lost both of my parents at a very early age, and she has never really had parents because they are addicts. I've become interested in someone and have been spending time with her and have found out that I have developed some serious feelings for her. What the hell should I do? P.S. I have been completely honest with everyone that is involved in this situation.
I am completely miserable right now because I don't know whether I should remain in the committed relationship just for the sake of not walking out on my partner, or should I pursue my interests? Key things that you should probably know: my current partner a cancer and is very stereotypical when it comes to cancerian women, she is also not that educated and that poses a problem some times because I want to talk about things that she just doesn't understand. plus the fact that she doesn't stimulate intellectually. on the other hand, my new friend graduated from the same university that I did, she's very gifted, she's very beautiful (inside and out), and she makes me laugh. to put it simply I enjoy spending time with her.
I recently told her that we could no longer see each other because of the current situation, and I miss her like crazy. what the hell should I do??
Aalize replies
Oh miss gyrl, don't pour salt on your girlfriend now that the thrill is gone! The fact that she is not that educated, and doesn't stimulate you intellectually didn't bother you for the past 4 years. You're interested in someone else. It happens.
If you're not happy in the current relationship, end it. You owe it to yourself to be happy. Your girlfriend will get over it. Relationships come and go... this one is gone.
The request
Can people have sex when a lady has their period?
Aalize replies
Yes, sex during menstruation is quite normal. As usual, if this is not a monogamous relationship, use a condom.
The request
Well I haven't seen this guy I met over last summer for almost a year. We never kissed or went deep like that but we did a little somethin'. I have been thinking about him everyday, since I went away to school. I didn't have a chance to see him, and now that I am back I still haven't seen him. I would feel mad stupid calling him after all this time! But I feel this can be the guy I can really go deep with. So what should I do? Oh by the way he is just to fine to even describe, that's another reason why I can't get in contact with him.
Aalize replies
You shouldn't do a damned thing. You went away, correct? I'm sure he has heard that you're back in town. For the umpteen millionth time, if a guy is interested in you, he will contact you. Calling just to say "hi" is not only awkward, it's desperate.
The request
I'M EXTREMELY ATTRACTED TO MY BOYFRIEND'S BEST FRIEND BUT, I NEVER TRIED TO APPROACH HIM OR FLIRT WITH HIM IN ANY TYPE OF WAY BECAUSE I REALLY DO LOVE MY BOYFRIEND BUT THESE FEELINGS FOR HIS BEST FRIEND ARE REALLY STRONG, TO THE POINT WHERE I HAVE SEXUAL FANTASIES ABOUT HIM, WHAT SHOULD I DO BECAUSE SUPPRESSION IS A BITCH!!!!
Aalize replies
Suppress gyrl, suppress! Whatever you do, don't go there. Oftentimes fantasies are best left where they are formed, in the mind. You stand to lose your boyfriend, your friend and your self respect. It ain't worth it.
The request
What do I do if I have a crush on a coach of mine? He is 36 and I am only 14. He isn't interested in me and he is married. He doesn't know I have a crush on him but I try to see him as much as I can because I enjoy being around him and talking to him. what do I do?????
Aalize replies
What you need to do is UNcrush . He's an adult, you're a child. I repeat, a child. A c-h-I-l-d. Of course he isn't interested in you, he's a responsible adult, you're a child.
The request
How can you tell if an exboyfriend wants you back or if he still loves you? I just need a couple of things that they might do or say that would hint that they still care.
Aalize replies
Like ask him, maybe? You'll know if he's being honest with you or not. Also, if an ex-boyfriend wants you back, he'll probably say something to the effect of, "I've really missed you and I want you back. Is there a possibility of us getting back together?" "Can we start over? Go slowly? I want to do whatever it takes to win back your trust, win back your love."
The request
Help! I have been seeing the same woman for over 3 years now. We have a fantastic relationship and have always had. Our sex life was the best. She is open an honest with me about everything. Finally, I popped the big question and gave her a ring. She accepted, and life was great.
One day, she felt that she needed to change a few things in her life to try to improve on herself. She went on a diet, lost a lot of weight, bought new clothes, and she decided to not have sex with me anymore until we are married. I don't care for that situation since we don't plan on getting married for about 2 more years. I have discussed this with her and she feels that abstinence makes her feel better about herself. Well, I feel terrible. I don't want to go 2 years without sex. We have had a great sex life in the past. As a matter of fact, the best sex I have ever had She is a very daring partner and would try anything at least once.
Its been 6 months since the last time we have done anything sexual. I am very frustrated and I feel our relationship is on a steady decline. I don't want to lose her. I love her very much. But I do not agree with this at all. I enjoy sex. I enjoy sex with her. In my opinion it brings 2 people closer together. Since we have stopped we fight often. I just don't know what to do. Can you help?
Aalize replies
Of course I can help! Move the wedding date up, get sex. Simple enough.
The request
How can I encourage a guy to ask me out without being bold? If a guy is hesitant to do that is he really shy or is it that he doesn't really like me enough? How to tell the difference?
Aalize replies
Well let's see. How can you encourage a guy to ask you out? O.K., you can send him a note asking him to ask you out, you can send him an email asking him to ask you out, you can call him and ask him to ask you out or you can ask him out.
If he's hesitant to ask you out, perhaps he doesn't want to. Duh??