Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 11
Advice Archives: Number 11
The request
Aalize's Advice Archives: #11
The request
My boyfriend wants to have two threesomes. One with another man and one with another woman. I feel extremely jealous but I also am somewhat interested. Does it mean that he loves me less? Should I set guidelines for what can happen? Should I tell him that it's a bad idea? What should I do?
Aalize replies
Aww girl, you wanna get your funky on, huh? Aiight, here we go. If you're somewhat interested, you're interested. There is no need for you to feel jealous because threesomes are pretty damned high on the list of male fantasies. The fact that he is interested in threesomes isn't an indication that he loves you less.
Does he really want to have the threesomes, or is he just trying to see how far you will go? Oftentimes men will ask for something that they may or may not want, just to see what your reply will be. Trifling, I know, but they do it, ask one (or 2 or 3 or...) If you decide to agree to the threesomes, you may want to get some things perfectly clear:
Who will choose the third partner?
Will he/she be a friend, or someone you meet via an ad or dating service?
Does he expect you to engage in sex with the female OR the male, or the female AND the male?
What if she pops that thang better than you?
Is this a one time deal, or does he expect it to be ongoing?
What word (other than stop) will be the direct indicator that you want to stop, you aren't comfortable with this, playtime is over?
Will you two be able to respect each other in the morning?
Do not ever do something just because, or because he wants you to do it. If you have any doubts, any doubts at all --- just say no.
The request
I'm presently engaged and planning to be married in a month. I met a man online a few months ago. We have talked on the phone and have become really close. We have this strange but wonderful connection. I feel as if I've known him all my life. The bond we have is so strong. Right now I'm trying to break away and focus my attention on my upcoming wedding. I love my fiance' but being apart from my online friend has left a painful void in my life. I don't want to hurt my fiance' butI feel the need to see what if anything can come of my friend and I. I know I will be hurt a lot of people. Not to mention all the money that has been spent by my parents($12,000 and counting). I have never had an experience like this before. We just "click". He says He loves me and wants nothing but to see me happy with or without him. This is so hard and I'm totally stressing myself out. I really have no idea what to do........Help!!
Aalize replies
See it's people like you that give me my attitude. What in the hell are you thinking of or with? Are you actually thinking of trading in fact for fantasy? You want to see what can become of this... become of what?
Listen, if you love your fiancée like you say you do, cyber-kiss your online friend, and say goodbye. Cyber-relationships are so convenient. They're wonderful. I can't front, I've had a few of 'em myself. Typing with one hand and stuff... (ooh, just caught a cyber-flashback!) I feel ya. Girl but yo, get off of Fantasy Island and come back to Reality, you're looking around and what you need is and has been there all the time. Er, can I get a wedding invitation? :o)
The request
I won't ask you if there is life after a break-up. You already gave the answer. I have the following concerns: Is there life after death? And even more important: is there life before?
Aalize replies
If this is any consolation, I've been there many times. My heart has been broken so many times that I've got stock in superglue. I remember saying super stupid things like:
If I can't have him, I may as well be dead Straight stupid! I think back and laugh about those days, and you can too. Any person capable of breaking your heart isn't worthy of having your Love. Love oneself. The rest will fall in place like dominoes.
The request
5 months ago I had a baby. My husband complains about my vagina size. He says that it has doubled in size. I spoke w/my doctor regarding this matter and he gave me some info on the tighten and release exercise. this only helped me very little. should i consider surgery to tighten this matter? I feel less of a woman in this area. Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aalize replies
I too consulted with a physician, and this is the information I obtained for you. The tighten and release exercises you mentioned are Kegel Exercises. Kegel exercises have been used successfully to help remedy the condition you described above. The pubococcygeus muscles support our lower abdominal organs. After pregnancy or surgery (and as we age) they may tend to get loose. The Sphincter muscles clamp down and close off the rectum and urethra, and can also be found around the vagina.
Kegel exercises can help. Practice tightening the pubococcygeus and sphincter muscles no less than 10 times in a row, 5 times a day --- every day. After a period as brief as two weeks, you and your husband should notice a difference in the muscle tone of your vagina.
If this doesn't work, you and your doctor may have to discuss surgical options.
The request
At my last disco I met a relly nice guy and I got his phone number. Some people say that 11 is to young for dating, is it ?
Aalize replies
There is nothing wrong with having friends, but yes... 11 is too young to consider actually dating. You are a child, your childhood won't last forever so please enjoy it while you have it.
The request
The last time i went to hawaii a very attractive girl on the same trip kept catching my eye. this went on for at least 45 min in the lineup and the airport lounge. finally i went up to talk to her and we had a nice conversation. when her section was called to board the plane (i was farther down in the alphabet) i asked to meet her for a drink. then she says shes meeting her BOYFRIEND and it would be impossible. is she nuts? why go through all this bs for nothing?
Aalize replies
Go through all of what? Exactly what did she do? Was she catching your eye, or were you catching hers?
You went up and talked to her You asked her to meet you for a drink She informed you that she was meeting her BOYFRIEND What is the problem? A little friendly conversation at the airport is very common, and does not a commitment make. Get over it.
The request
This is really getting to me. I am a handsome seventeen-year-old black male from Selma, Alabama. I make straight A's and I have a job. I'm a very nice person and all, but for some odd reason, girls are turning me down left and right. WHY? I don't know. I've been super nice to them, I've been chivalrous, and whenever I go after a girl that I really like, it turns into heartbreak. What am I doing wrong?
Aalize replies
You must be going after the wrong females. I hate to say this, but some females aren't used to being treated right, thus the rejection. Take a long, hard look at the females you're attracted to. Do you have anything in common? Are you currently friends?
If you answered yes, perhaps it's not your time to be in a relationship. Everything has it's time and place, if yours hasn't arrived, it's on the way. Will you be ready when it arrives?