Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 13
Advice Archives: Number 13
The request
Aalize's Advice Archives: #13
The request
I was in an abusive relationship and I got out but the man is still trying to find me. If I take him to court he'll kill me. What should I do? I'm in another state and I don't know how he got my number.
Aalize replies
This is a very serious issue. If he has your phone number he may have your address. First things first. You may want to contact the authorities ASAP to inform them of this matter. Secondly, change your phone number to an unlisted status. If your phone number is unlisted he must have gotten the number from someone you know.
Consider finding a new residence or moving in with a friend or family member on a temporary basis until you can afford to move. Do NOT gamble with your life. Speak to or meet with a law enforcement official immediately. Please visit these web sites for additional information on Domestic Violence Issues: dvGuide.com and No Safe Place- Violence Against Women
The request
I want to know why most men treat women like sh*t when they find out that the women are totally head over heels for him? My ex-boyfriend and I split up (I left him) and now that I realize that I want him back he starts playing the game "Naa-Naa you can't have me." I know for a fact that I'm the best thing for him as well as his parents love me too! But, he prefers to be with his other friend. From my understanding she is a bitch that's what he told me! But, yet he still talks with her. Anyways if you can possibly answer this I would appreciate it and I think my friends will too!
Aalize replies
Miss gyrl, men start to trip like that when they know beyond a shadow of doubt that they have you. Once a man knows he has you, he doesn't have to do anything to keep you AND he doesn't do anything to keep you. Regardless of what they may say, men LOVE a challenge, and if his current woman isn't giving him a challenge, he WILL get it elsewhere.
You may think you're the best thing for him, and you may well be. If he doesn't think the same thing it means absolutely nothing. The fact that his parents love you also means nothing. It's not their love that you want to keep you warm at night. Never get too comfortable with a man, and don't let a man get too comfortable with you. He does not always need to know where you are, who you're with, when you'll be back and he does not need your pager number.
The request
How do I overcome my self-esteem problem? How do I get smarter? How do I start to figure out what I want?
Aalize replies
Overcome your self-esteem problem by realizing that you are all that you have. The person you see in the mirror will be with you infinity. You may as well begin to like him. Realize that you possess many of the same chateristics as the people you admire. If they can do it (whoever they are, and whatever it is) so can you. The grass on the other side has been greener for ages; remember it still has to be mowed.
The secret to becoming smarter can be as complex as going back to school full time or as simple as taking a trip to the library for some self study classes.
They key to figuring out what you want is to look back to your youth. Remember the things that made you the happiest; the things that you enjoyed doing and would do for free if you had to. Make a list of these things and put your energy and focus on the top two items on your list.
The request
My boyfriend barely calls me. We've been together for 3 months, and after 2 months we began to have sex. Now when I do see him that's what we do. He is definitely not cheating on me, so why is he playing hard to get?
Aalize replies
He is definitely not cheating on you. Definitely, huh? He barely calls you --- yet you call him your boyfriend. Whenever the two of you get together it's sex time. Child, puhleeze! Sex is an important part of a relationship, but it does not make the relationship. If all you're doing is having sex, all you have is a sex partner, not a boyfriend.
He isn't playing hard to get, he's coming around when he wants to get --- laid.
The request
There's this girl at school I really like. I can't stop thinking about her but I don't know her so what should I say to her?
Aalize replies
C'mon now! Just introduce yourself to her. When you see her, walk up to her and say "Hi, I'm xxxx. I've noticed you around campus and I'd like to introduce myself to you." It really is that simple. Her response and her actions will give you the green light for go for it, the red light for forget it, or the yellow light for proceed with caution.
The request
I am a 20 year old cute black sister who happens to still be a virgin. About six months ago I met a 26 year old man that is a student at the same university as myself. We started to get to know each other and as I became more comfortable with him, we began to fool around (no penetration was involved). Now I feel that I am at the point where I am ready to be with him intimately, but I'm afraid that it will hurt. Plus I don't know if he'll still be around after we have sex. He calls me his closest friend and says that I'm a real sweetheart (because I am a true 'roni) and that I should never let anyone take advantage of me, but is he? He cheated on his last girlfriend, and has been seen around my dorm with another girl, but I still trust him because I think I love him. So do you think that it is a good idea that I want him to be my first? Or should I just leave him alone, because to be honest I am really afraid of being totally alone and having no guys calling me!
Aalize replies
Leave him alone. According to the information you've provided, he thinks of you as a friend. Don't throw your virginity away on someone who you aren't sure will be around after the sex happens. Some guys will say and do anything to get sex, especially from a virgin --- then they'll "call you."
How can you trust him when he has cheated on his last girlfriend and has been seen around your dorm with another girl? You're a cutie. So what? Cuties get played for the panties too. Don't let it happen to you.
The request
I met a guy on the Internet almost a year ago, and we really hit it off. We've been chatting, emailing, snail mailing, and talking on the phone ever since. We're 2 provinces apart, and were planning for him to fly down to see me for a few days in November. I really love him, and I know he really loves me. There's 5 years age difference between us, but it doesn't matter to either of us. We've always been very honest with each other, and have told everyone almost everything about ourselves. I even told him that I was sexually assaulted when I was a child.
Just last night, he told me that he had a confession to make to me. When he was 13 or 14, and not acting like himself, he was really messed up, and had oral sex with his 2 yr. old sister. I don't know what to do. I think I still love him, and I Think I want to meet him still. I'm so confused that I don't know what I'm feeling, and I don't know what to say to him. He said that he'd totally understand if I didn't want to talk to hi!m anymore, or have anything to do with him, but he really loves me, and doesn't want to lose me. He says he's totally changed since then, and that one thing was totally out of character. If he'd never told me, I never would have known, or been able to guess he would ever do anything like that...what should I do or say to him????
Aalize replies
You do not love him. You are in love with the fantasy and it's time for you to wake-up. What this guy did to his 2 year old sister is sick and a criminal offense. I'd suggest you cut all ties, immediately, pronto, right away. Visit: http://wwlia.org/childsex.htm for additional information on pedophilia.
The request
He just turned twenty do you know if there is still a chance for it to grow?
Aalize replies
You could practice Kegel Exercises to strengthen your vaginal muscles which may give you some control over it slipping out. Other than that, I guess you'll have to continue to deal with the short end of the stick.