I submitted the following personal ad in the local newspaper and recieved...

I submitted the following personal ad in the local newspaper and recieved more death threats than dates:

"I am 4' 9" tall and have a 46" waist. One of my feet is shorter than the other. All but one finger has been cut off, you can come and see which one. I have an EXTREME fettish for hair, and I want to join the navy to get away from annoying women."

This ad didn't quite work. Why not? I described my true character just like women say they want. Please explain.

It's the last sentence that killed everything for you! How dare you want to get away from annoying women! Hell, the women who read your ad probably thought you were referring to them as annoying!

Seriously, stop playing. Your ad sounds like an application for a job at the freak show. The average, sane female isn't going to answer an ad like that, and you know it.

The next time you place a personal ad, accentuate the positive, (if there is any) and pray.