I I have a history of obsessing about men who don't return my interest...

I I have a history of obsessing about men who don't return my interest. However, through extensive self-examination and honesty, I have achieved a healthier mode of relating, and now am involved with a kind-hearted man who lives close to my city. He's a software developer whose long hours often leave him weary and reclusive, so when I didn't hear from him in over 3 weeks, my old "tapes" played incessantly and I thought he was just another workaholic who would silently vanish.

Not wanting to accept this, I asked him to call me and tell me if he was still interested. (BOLD ON MY PART - I was quaking) Well, he confessed a general bad mood and apologized for not keeping in touch; also he agreed to get together with me after he returns from a family visit overseas.

My request of you: How can I talk down the fear and prejudice towards him, projected as it is, when there is a lag in answering? I can see by his demeanor *very sweet and candid* that he is not a mind-game player so I don't want to punish him by my own distorted perception.

Can you suggest to me a "mantra" of sorts that I can say to myself when the old "Kim, you're a nuisance and he's just being NICE, quit pestering people" starts rerunning? This has caused me to sabotage a few would-be friendships.

Here's a Mantra for you: When it is right, it feels right. Don't do it. Do not make excuses for him. Long hours my ass. If he hadn't contacted you in three weeks, he was more than overworked --- he was not thinking about you.

Don't think you always have to have somebody. Date a variety of men until you happen upon one who will be all of the things you want him to be. The things you deserve in a man.

I'll leave you with this:

... are not emotions involved with a healthy, two-sided relationship. If you are experiencing any of these emotions, check yourself. Remember, When it is right, it feels right.