Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 7
Advice Archives: Number 7
The request
Aalize's Advice Archives: #7
The request
I'm an African American male over forty and my desire for sex seems to be increasing, is this normal? I find myself wanting to have sex two to three times a day. My girlfriend is 48 and after we have sex she says her *meow * is hurting and doesn't want to have sex for several days. What advice will you give me?
Aalize replies
It appears that you simply have a high sex drive, which is normal for a lot of men. As women get older they oftentimes experience vaginal dryness, which may contribute to the pain your girlfriend is experiencing.
Experiment with a lubricant prior to sex. (KY Lubricant can be purchased at major drug stores) Another option is mutual masturbation, which can be a very exciting and pleasurable alternative to penetration. Finally, depending on your sexual preferences, Oral Sex may be an option.
The request
Last semester there was this girl I used to be involved with, but it didn't work out. I spent the entire month of January thinking I'd gotten over her, when yesterday she walks into my anthropology class. What should I do for the next 12 weeks of class? I think I'm over her, but I really don't know.
Aalize replies
If the two of you ended the relationship on friendly terms, there is no reason you can't ask her for a date. If she says yes, perhaps the two of you can discuss the possibility of dating again. If she says no, perhaps you and she can remain social. The main reason you are in class is to learn so girl or no girl, for the next 12 weeks study, study, study!
The request
I've been dating a guy for about 3 months now. He is by far the sweetest man I've ever met and I truly adore him. I really feel that he might be "the one". He recently told me that he had genital herpes. He's had it for 5 years and has approximately 3-4 outbreaks per year.
Needless to say I was shocked! He wants me to take some time to think about whether or not I would like to continue dating him. I agreed and since that time I have read tons of books, searched the net, and called various hotlines to get more info on the subject. What scares me the most is how the virus can be contagious even when there are no visible outbreaks. So there is a very high possibility that I could get it. I keep asking myself is it worth the risk. Condoms might help lower the risk of transmission but that still doesn't guarantee anything. The two of us have never been intimate and at this point I'm not sure if I'll be able to without feeling like I'm playing Russian roulette. Yet on the flipside, I don't want to lose him. What should I do? I've been sick at heart these last few days. I know that there must be other couples out there with this dilemma, how do they manage?
Aalize replies
I will pose your question to our audience in an upcoming article. As for your question, my reply to you is this. You've already educated yourself on the disease. You know the pros and cons. If you chose not to continue dating him, you don't have to actually lose him; the two of you can always remain friends.
Are you willing to possibly contract a disease that can have you breaking out with sores several times a year and increase the risk of your acquiring H.I.V? What you won't do, you will do for love, but in this case... is it worth it?
The request
So she goes to the GYN and gets the usual Pap and battery of STD tests. Everything is negative on her tests. Meanwhile, the man's symptom has gone away (although they both take medication prescribed by the GYN just in case) Now, suppose the woman's insurance doesn't pay for the whole test, leaving about $118 payable in lab fees. Who do you think should pay the bill? Woman? Man? Both?
Aalize replies
Since you both weren't responsible enough to ensure that the sex was, "protected sex," and you both participated in the sex, and you both took the prescribed medication; you should both pay the bill. My judgement is that the plaintiff pays $59.00 AND my judgement is that the defendant pays $59.00! One more thing... in the future, USE THE DAMNED CONDOMS!
The request
I need advice on how to a. know if I'm bi and b. where do I find an attractive woman?
Aalize replies
Since you're seeking an attractive woman, I'd guess that you already know you're bi, either bi-sexual or bi-curious. As far as finding an attractive woman, there are lots of attractive women at modeling agencies, in health clubs, hell there are attractive women everywhere! Now, whether they're also bi, is another story. If you go out there and get your ass *BASHED,* don't call me, I'm straight.
NOTE: Check out our Extreme Personals, which are geared towards people with alternative and extreme taste.
The request
I'd like to find out if my boyfriend is cheating. Any suggestions?
Aalize replies
Awww c'mon. You know he's cheating. Get real. Here's a suggestion for ya, ask him. When he says no, you'll *know* the answer is yes. Need more evidence? Place a new pair of thong panties in his jacket pocket. If they mysteriously disappear without him mentioning them...
The request
I had sex with my 20 year old neighbor who I knew since childhood. He doesn't seem to take me seriously. All he wants is sex. I don't want to have a relationship with him because I found out exactly one week later he had a baby. I know for a fact that he's not with the girl anymore, but I feel like hoe being with him if he is not taking me seriously. I don't know what to do.
Aalize replies
You need to get your head out of your ass. When you have sex with someone *just because,* they aren't going to take you seriously. All they're going to want is sex, not a relationship. Deal with it, or walk away. You say you feel like a hoe, huh? I know Christmas is several months away but I couldn't resist this one: hoe, hoe, hoe!
The request
I am 19 years old and I still don't have a girlfriend. I am skinny, and most girls don't like skinny guys, what can I do?
Aalize replies
You've got options, baby! 1. You could pray to God for more weight. 2. You could eat and eat and eat until you gain weight, afterall that's what most girls like, right? 3. You could recognize the beauty and wonderfulness of who you are right now, and realize that you're fine as you are. If you are seriously underweight, schedule a physical and follow your doctors prescribed routine to bring your weight up.
You said *most* girls don't like skinny guys, don't waste time on them. Surround yourself with girls who have some of the same interests that you have. Many relationships have evolved from genuine friendships.
The request
My boyfriend of almost eleven months, and I broke up four days ago. I miss him a lot and want him back. We got in a stupid fight when we were both drunk. He said a lot of rude things to me at the time and even the next day. I think he was just being a guy, and letting out his anger. I slapped him in the fight and lost his gold diamond earring. I miss him and I think I should call him...is it worth it? We've been together so long now, it seems pointless to end that relationship over a fight so stupid.
Aalize replies
Think about it before you call him. He has your number also, you know. He said rude things to you while you both were drunk, AND the next day when he was probably sober. Eleven months isn't a long time, and if him saying rude things to you is "just being a guy," you may be better off without him.
The request
My boyfriend and I just broke up recently. He says he still loves me and I know that I still love him. The problem is that he doesn't want this relationship anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can be friends with him because I would get extremely jealous if he did something with someone else. I need you to tell me if there is anything I can do to make him realize that we should be in this relationship.
Aalize replies
"We" shouldn't and can't be in this relationship if both of "us" don't want it. If one of "us" continues to try to hold on to something that is no longer there, "we" may force the other party to see us/use us/resent us. As painful as this situation may be right now, sometime "we" just have to move on. I promise you, I promise you.... you WILL breathe again.