Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 6
Advice Archives: Number 6
The request
Aalize's Advice Archives: #6
The request
My fiancée' does things to his daughter which I feel are inappropriate. He bites/licks her ears, calls her "Sexy Lady" and tells her she has big, pretty legs. I feel this is very inappropriate and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I've talked to him about this several times, but he says he will continue to "compliment" her and do those things. His daughter is 6 years old, but even if she were 12, I'd still feel the same.
This has and will continue to cause problems for us. I don't know if I can stand it. What should I do? Please advise as soon as possible.
Aalize replies
This man is behaving in a very sick way. What you describe reeks of possible incest, and child abuse. If I were you, I'd report him to the authorities immediately. If you aren't comfortable with that, below are several resources for you. Whatever you do, don't do nothing. You are aware of a potentially dangerous situation, it's your right as a human to take immediate action.
State Toll-Free child Abuse reporting numbers:
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cb/rpt_abu.htm Incest: Three real stories:
http://www.ntrnet.net/~iuvioav/sld002.htm http://www.childabuseprevention.org/ I'd think long and hard about being married to a man who may be a pedophile.
The request
It all started when I went to a friend's party and saw this guy that I thought was really good looking. Anyway that's all that happened: I saw him and that was it. I didn't do anything about it. A few days later, my friend calls to find out if I got any numbers. I told her yes but the one I really wanted was this guy named Wil. She knew who he was and proceeded to hook it up. I got the number and called him and we barely had anything to talk about. We were basically talking about nothing.
Here's the problem. We finally hooked up and went to the movies. We had nothing to say to each other still. It turned out to be just a nice date. Since then this guy hasn't called me at ALL. My friend says forget it. My other male friends say that if he was interested, he would call, even to just say hi! Since that date, I've called him maybe two times to try to start some conversation and still he says nothing. Call me crazy but I still think about him. I know I shouldn't but I feel that I can still try (calling anyway and get some kind of response). I know you're going to blow up my spot and chew me out, so be gentle.
Aalize replies
C'mon now gyrl. It's more than obvious that "Wil" isn't interested. He is NOT interested in you. If you keep calling him, and calling him, and calling him --- you just might catch him on a desperate day and find yourself dycked down, depressed and dissed. Catch a hint, get a clue and get over the man who is NOT interested in you. It really is that simple.
The request
I've just started a new school and for two months now I've had this guy after me, calling, asking me out etc... He seems very funny, sweet and good looking. Last weekend we got got together for a night and he's desperate for us to get into a relationship. I like him, maybe enough to say yes, but everyone else is telling me to stay clear of him as he has such a bad reputation for using girls and cheating. He swears he's changed. Do I listen to him, or his bad reputation?
Aalize replies
In life, we can't judge a person by what they say the will do; we judge them by what they have done. If his past is that of a player, the odds are that he will continue to be a player. You can, of course, give him the benefit of doubt, but if you do --- proceed with caution, you have been forewarned.
The request
Why is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Sh*t hurts... I don't know everything in life yet, but in all my experiences of life I would think caring for someone you love would be better than this. So why?
Aalize replies
My reply to you is this: Love is a beautiful experience; an emotion that each of us should share at least once in a lifetime. Life doesn't last forever, but we're grateful for the time that we have on earth. Love can be viewed in the same way. While it doesn't last forever, we can cherish the good times and reflect upon them in the " not so good times."
Many of us have had loved ones to pass away, but we cherish their memories, and wouldn't trade the time we spent with them when they were with us for anything. In life there is joy and pain; the same is true for love.
Remember, nothing will last forever, cherish what you have while you have it and reflect upon the fond memories (not the negative ones) when it's gone.
The request
My man & I have been together for 7 years, living together for 2. We have a 2 year old daughter. Within the past year, he has really been messing up when it comes to money. He is responsible for paying rent, I pay everything else, including anything our daughter needs. This is the second time that we've been on the verge of being kicked out. The first time I used some of my savings to get us out of the hole. This time I'm refusing. I've told him that this is the end. I can't go through this again. He doesn't understand why I'm leaving. He thinks love conquers all, but right now I don't feel any love at all. I just feel confusion and hurt. Am I wrong for just wantin to drop the brotha?
Aalize replies
No. You are not wrong. This brotha didn't take his responsibility seriously, and a family is a BIG r-e-s-p-o-n-s-i-b-i-l-i-t-y. He figured, "hell, she's got money in savings, she won't let us get put out on the streets." He was correct, you won't allow your family to be kicked out on the street, and he shouldn't either.
What if you didn't have any savings? Then what? If you still love him, you may want to give him one more chance. If he messed up again, it's lights out for his ass.
The request
When I am intimate with my partner, I find that he is "too big" for me. I get sore during sex, and as a result try to avoid it. We have been together for nearly a year, and it has always been like this. I love him with all my heart, and we have tried everything KY jelly etc ... He is really gentle, but it is still painful. I trust him 100% and I am always relaxed during sex, but after a while I freeze up as the pain starts. He suggested that we a break from actual penetrative sex for a while, and just go with the oral sex, but I know he will eventually get impatient. I don't want him to sleep with someone else. While I know that most women would jump at the chance at being with someone so well endowed, it's not funny anymore.
I have been in previous relationships and had an excellent sex life, so I know I am not frigid, I can get freaky when I want to. But he is really large and sex isn't easy. I don't want to lose him as he is everything to me. Help!
Aalize replies
Hmmm.... this is a rare question indeed! I suggest that you see your gynecologist immediately; not to say that there is something wrong with you, but to be certain that there isn't. Secondly, I suggest the two of you try some different positions so that you can have some control over the penetration. Woman on top and doggy style will allow him to penetrate you without putting too much pressure on you.
Regarding you not wanting him to sleep with anyone else --- You can give him all of the loving, sex or whatever you want to call it that his little heart desires; if he gets the urge to cheat --- he will cheat.
The request
I am in love with a good friend of mine. She knows I like her and she has told me that while she can't say how she will feel in the future, she only thinks of me as a friend right now. We are great friends, but I'm head over heals in love with her. What am I supposed to do now? I'm going crazy!
Aalize replies
She has laid her cards on the table. She has told you she only thinks of you as a friend. What part of that is soooo hard to understand? Huh? This isn't all about you. Relationships involve the feelings and emotions of both individuals involved. She appreciates the friendship. Accept it for what it is; there is NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING that you can do.