Advice Archives: Number 41

The request

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The request

This subject is very hard for me to talk about, I'm in the Military and I just found that I was a few months Pregnant. Even though I'm not ready for Kids, I can't see myself having an abortion. I'm still with my boyfriend and He's telling me that whatever I decided he'll be there for me. Lately he makes comments like " Kesha, you know your not ready for kids, why can't you have an abortion?" Yet and still he's telling his friends that I'm pregnant. I've told my parents, My dad is real supportive, but my mom is saying that she thinks I should have an abortion too. If I went though with that I really don't know if I could handle it emotionally. Do you have any advice for me?

The request

My boyfriend is always putting me down. I let him know countless times that it breaks my heart when he criticizes me so much, especially in front of his son. His son also repeats these things ... What can I do?

The request

I am SO confused! Let me get straight to the point. I have been living with this woman for 3 years now. I am 28 she is 24. Our relationship has only been a good one, we do a lot of things together and have a lot of common interests. I truly love her with all my heart and soul. Well, she left me 2 weeks ago, packed everything she owns and signed off the lease. She said she needs time to live for herself and find out what it's like to be alone. The last time I talked to her she said she did miss me and she thinks of me, but she doesn't want this right now. I asked her if we still have a chance of one day being together and she said she doesn't know and not to get my hopes up. She told me I need to take care of myself while she takes care of herself. She now plans on attending school full time and getting a place of her own. At the end of our conversation she said "good nite baby, and sweet dreams" I of course took it as a good sign. she has not called me since, it's been 6 days. I leave her an occasional message, but still no response.

Others I have talked to all say give her time, and they all think we will get back together. I am stuck in this apartment that we put together. I came from NJ to California by myself in search of a future and found her. I have been with her since, her family has been my family. Now it is all gone, I feel alone and I miss her so much. I tell myself everyday, "She will come back, one of these days, she still thinks of you." I mean we did SO much together! We even had names picked out for our children! This is the first time in my life I have ever felt so strongly about someone, I really believe in my heart she is THE ONE for me! I have NEVER in my life made myself so depressed over a single person and I have had my share of break-ups. My relationship before this one ended after 5 long years and I was over it in like 3 weeks or so, not completely over it but NOT depressed and hoping it will be again! I am so lost, I have found new emotions all from her, I have learned SO much through her. It is extremely hard for me to believe it's over. I never really knew what LOVE was 'till now. I can't get her out of my mind for a second, I have a hard time sleeping in our bed, nothing in this apartment is mine or hers, it's all ours. We have built a life together that was fun and promising, or so I thought. I do not know, PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR BEST ADVICE, and be blunt as HELL!

The request

I was going out with this guy who was my best friend but we broke up because we didn't see each other enough because of our work. I asked him if we would get back together if he didn't work so much and he said yes. The thing is, he started to hang out with his ex after we broke up. What's the deal? He has time for her and not for me? Now I have lost my boyfriend/best friend, I don't talk to him anymore and I'm freaking out because he is seeing his EX. Even if I still love him, do you think we will ever get back together, be friends again or should I just forget about the whole thing? Please help!

The request

I love a man who's married and also has a girlfriend. He always says that he loves me, but I don't believe him, cause I know that he is having other relationships. I don't know what to do, I love him more than myself. How can I get rest?!

The request

My question is "Why are most men so afraid of responsibility"? So afraid to be open and honest, or to be in a serious commitment"? I know fear is a big thing for them and the way society has come to have people believe certain things, but damn, how can I stress communication? How can I stress having to work at something when you care for that thing/person/plants/etc.....

I am a strong, independent, single parent and have been from the jump. I had 3 children (2 boys, 13 & 14, and my baby girl, 8. In December, on the 16, 1998, my baby boy passed from upper respiratory failure, due to a severe asthma attack.

I'm still in a fog and in denial and have not worked but maybe 2 months out of this year since he passed. I'm struggling financially because, one, the state I live in has no Welfare system as we once knew it to be and I exhausted the monies from the memorial that was set up for my son, and the tax returns went for bills, life expenses, etc. This so called man, the one I chose to have in my life for the past 3 years, has totally blown me away for the last time. I thought that he would be here to help me in any kinda way, if I asked. I rarely have to go to him because I am so independent, and he is totally clueless, selfish and coldhearted.

I have had to ask for financial help and he carries on like I just asked for his hand in marriage, which is something that would have never happened anyway. It would have been 3 years in November since we had first started seeing each other, notice I said would have. I put his stuff over to his daughter's house and told him that I was going to continue to get help for my son's death and my alcoholism issue's, (I haven't drank since the death of my son). Also, that I would be starting to see other men within the near future. He says he doesn't want anyone else and he doesn't want to share me. But then on the other hand he wants his own life and wants cake and be able to eat it too.

This man continues to call me and he comes over unexpectedly and wants what he wants. Yet he doesn't want to offer any financial help, nor does he do anything, ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh!!!! Obviously, there's more to the story, his side. Unfortunately for him he's unaware of this writing.

I guess the immediate question's are the ones I look forward to hearing from you about. And then maybe a suggestion or two as to how I can have him really feel me when I tell him I'm through?