Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 37
Advice Archives: Number 37
The request
Aalize's Advice with ATTITUDE!
NOTE: There are countless lame advice columns popping up on the internet every day, and there are many advice columnists who will tell you exactly what you want to hear. Aalize does NOT play that. She is often imitated, but never duplicated.
If you DON'T want to know the Real Deal, or if you DON'T want to take a trip BACK to Reality, we suggest that you DO NOT ask Aalize. She gives it up, so don't trip.
If you need Honest, Direct & Poignant Advice, feel free to Ask Aalize!, by completing our Advice Request Form.
Keep your eyes on the Aalize's Advice with Attitude! area, you never know when your Confidential Advice request and reply will show up! Remember to read our Daily Advice column every weekDay!
The request
I have a guy that I used to date. He is still in my life. We still see each other and spend time together, but he calls us friends, when we are more than that. We have sexual relations, but not sex. He is jealous and he only lets me be with him when it's convenient. He says he cares, and he is great sometimes. I know he needs me. He won't have sex with me. He acts like he holds it over my head in a way. What can I do? I love him. I need your advice.
Aalize replies
Girlfriend he does NOT need you. He's having fun with you. He is USING you. Stop being his play-thing. He has told you that he thinks of you as a friend. Believe him.
The request
I recently just started crushing on this boy. I met him in the computer lab at school and was hooked. Unfortunately I am not the type of girl to just go up to a boy and ask for the digits. Since I didnt know his name, I asked around in some of my classes to see if I could get some info on him. One of my male friends in my class has a class with him and he said he would hook me up.
So in a matter of 2 days I got his number and called him. the first thing he asked me on the phone was if I was a virgin. I told him yes which is the truth. He was like that is too bad because "I was going to take you to a magical place and when I get ready to take you home you won't want to go." I dont know what to make of that. but I am usually the one calling him. He's called me once, and he returns my pages. I have only paged him twice though. He also thinks I'm shy, but when we are on the phone I am the main one talking. I will admit that I am quiet with that person until I get to know them, male or female. He is not making it any easier for me, plus I have really never had a boyfriend and I'm still waiting for my first kiss and I'm 16. Maybe you can just give me some advice on the dating game in general. Thanks for listening.
Aalize replies
He asked you if you were a virgin because he's interested in sex with you. You're doing all of the calling huh? Not good. The dating game isn't hard to figure out, go with your gut. As I've said before, when it feels right, it is right. When it feels wrong, it is wrong.
Here are a few tips for you:
Do NOT do all of the calling Do NOT accept a Monologue type conversation .
(whereas you do all of the talking) If the potential relationship appears to be going nowhere, don't go with it. Know when to say when.
Do NOT rush into a relationship. Haste makes waste.
Do NOT give up your virginity to the first male who claims to love you. There are so many fellas who will promise you the ENTIRE WORLD; then they'll hit it and quit it.
The request
My friend, "Clara" is always bragging about how big her boobs are, even though she is only a B32 (She says she's a B36) I feel like it's an insult to me, since I only have an A34 chest. How can I get her to stop?
Aalize replies
Petty, petty, petty. First of all, you can't get her to stop bragging (as you call it) about her breasts. You have a 34A. Be proud of your breasts. They may be small, but they're yours. You have two of them, don't you? Well then! Remember, bigger doesn't always mean better.
The request
How do I find someone who doesn't just want to jump in the sack? Why do I always want the guy who is emotionally unavailable? Why does my dad keep telling me I won't be truly happy until I find a man? I'm not sure I really want one. I would like a male pal to hang with. I am 33 and a single mother - have been around the block a few times and am not sure I want to put up with the BS that men bring. How do I get this across to my dad?
Aalize replies
Your dad is living his life, you have to live yours. He can NOT live it for you. Most men want to jump in the sack. The secret to being with one who wants more, is for you to bring more to the table. Also, you must never accept less than what you want.
You may always want the guy who is emotionally unavailable because at this time in your life, you're emotionally unavailable. Being a single parent is a difficult task, (I'm one) and can be emotionally draining at times.
Oftentimes we kid ourselves that we don't want a mate, when in actuality, we don't want to deal with the b.s. again and again. Nobody wants to be lonely, lonesome or alone, yet so many of us are.
Your dad is incorrect. You won't be truly happy until you find yourself. Once you find yourself, a good man will find you. You're on the right track when you say you want a male pal, because many relationships have formed from friendships.
The request
There is this girl I like (katie) I've known her for awhile and dont know how to ask her out. I asked her to the dance one time, but she said she was busy. How do I ask her out?!
Aalize replies
If you asked her to the dance, you asked her out. Simply put, she blew you off. Maybe she's playing hard to get. Maybe she really doesn't want to go out with you. Remember what you said when you asked her to the dance? Say it again. If she's busy again, catch the clue.
The request
I'm a female, and I'm about to embark in my first experience with another female. My fiance supports me 100%. My question is, I'm extremley nervous. What can I do to not be so nervous around her, and if I enjoy it where can I find other willing participants in my area?
Aalize replies
Oh girl, just go get your funky on! You were nervous the first time you had sex with a man, weren't you? I'll suggest some of the same things I suggest for a male/female encounter:
Good Champagne (if the two of you drink) If you decide you like this alternative lifestyle , you can find willing participants in your area by checking the classifieds section of your local alternative papers. In Chicago, we have a paper called the Chicago Reader.
Remember to check out our Daily Advice Column every day!
*** Aalize is the Official Advice Columnist for 212.net and SoulSearch!