Aalize.com / Advice Archives / Advice Archives: Number 1
Advice Archives: Number 1
The request
Aalize's Advice Archives: #1
The request
I got a question. Well me and my man have been going together for a while. We both agreed that we wouldn't have sex yet because we wanna build our relationship on love instead of lust right?? Well recently he said he wanted to go down on me and eat me out. I told him that I wasn't going to go down on him and he accepted it and said he wanted to do it anyway cuz he wonders what its like. What I wanted to know is if u think thats fair?? He said it was ok but I wanna know your opinion.
Aalize replies
Wassup Sexless? If he goes down on you that's Oral Sex. Since you both agreed not to have Sex based on lust, don't. It's obvious that the two of you aren't in Love because when you Love someone you share a very common bond. It's called a Wedding Ring.
The request
My live-in boyfriend of 8 years cheated on me. I have confronted him about it, and he lies to me, he says he is not cheating. My friend told me that she saw him at the moties wth another chick. I trust my friend because she has been my girl since grammar school.
I'm thinking about leaving his ass, should I give him another chance? Do you think he is cheating on me?
Aalize replies
Before you pull up, ponder this. Your man just might be cheating, but... did you see him cheat? Has he cheated before? Have things changed at the crizzo? In the bizzed?
I can't tell you if he is or isn't cheating, 'cause I just don't know, but I'd bet 50 that you do. Besides, after living with someone for 8 years, if you don't know him by now... you know the rest.
Your girl saw him at the moties, huh? Is that right? You might want to check her story too. Did she see him at the moties, or was she with him at the moties?
You know what they say, All is fair in love and war. Girlfriend might want dude for herself. I know you might think you have a friend, so I leave you with this.. Friends, how many of us have them?
The request
I went with this man for about a month. WE broke up mutally, but we were still friends, romantic friends. He claims he still cares for me I really care for him, but he says he's not ready to settle down. My heart aches for this man, but when we were together it was doing us more harm than good But I really want him back...should I? If not, how to get over him? Ive tried everything but nothing works. I NEED to get over him....help!
Aalize replies
First of all, Sweetie, the words and the actions MUST match. Dude is saying I care about you, but his actions say I don't see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind. He's not ready to settle down, but he's ready to get down.
Don't believe the hype. Dude is using you until he finds the female he wants to be with.Your heart doesn't necessarily ache for this man , your heart may be aching for... A man. Recognize the difference and tell him to push on.
Get over him by realizing that you deserve love, not lust. Inform him that it's a Real Relationship or Bust. Outta Here.
The request
I am a 29-yr.-old SBF who possesses above average looks and intelligence, enjoys life (a quality which draws people to me), a good job and SINGLE! I am very well read, take pride in my appearance and am looking for someone who has the same qualities and values as myself (not my clone, though). I definitely turn heads and impress men with my conversation, but I am not getting (and keeping) the kind of man I want. Could it be because I want what most other women want? Good looks, tolerable arrogance, decent job, intelligence, yata yata yata? Or could it be that men are intimidated by an independent woman? I'm sick of that particular cop out and don't want a man who is easily intimidated. Help! (I'm trying to shake the "good looks" hang-up, but it's not happening.")
Aalize replies
Look Miss Pretty, let's cut to the chase. At 29 years of age, you're not getting any younger, nor are you a spring chicken. Seems like you might want to check your arrogance level. With above average looks, the ability to draw people to you and the inability to keep the kind of man that you want, something, something, something, something just ain't right.
Some men are intimidated by independent women, and? Their hang-ups are not your hang-ups. The number one way to meet the man of your choice is to approach the man of your choice. Ask him for a date, he will say one of two things, Yes or No.
Regarding the Good Looks thing, don't sweat it! I mean if you live your entire life alone, at least you'll be able to tell your 3 cats, 4 birds and 6 dogs, I never lowered my standards, no sir-ree!
The request
Do you think oral sex is beneficial in a relationship?
Aalize replies
Hi Not too hungry! Oral sex is beneficial in a relationship when there is a true relationship. Sex, including Oral Sex, is not meant to be Unsafe or Casual, nah mean? If you choose to practice Oral Sex, be certain that you and your partner use protection, (i.e. latex condoms, dental dams, saran wrap, etc...) Keep in mind that you should not feel pressured do anything that you are not comfortable with, and no person should expect to receive oral sex without reciprocating.
The request
How do I get over an ex-boyfriend when the relationship wasn't all that bad and now I'm lonely?
Aalize replies
You said that the relationship wasn't all that bad. If the relationship was bad at all, be glad, not sad, that it's over. Fall in Love with, You . When You fall in Love with, You ... someone else will too. Get up, get out and get your groove back, like Stella!
The request
I met this wonderful gentlemen online. We have been dating for 6 months now. he's in Miami and I'm in California He's moving to CA next month. We are going to move in together and were getting engaged. I feel so close and terrific with this guy. I'm wondering if we are moving too fast? Another question..He has a small swilla but he's great in bed, but sometimes I can't believe it is so small. Should I stop worrying about it, being that he is a great lover regardless of his swilla size?
Aalize replies
TR, you met this wonderful man online, he's moving to your state to be with you and you feel close to him. NO, you two are not moving too fast. Do the math honey. Regarding the itty biity man ordeal, as long as he is satisfying you in the bedroom and is a great lover, what's size got to do with it? Not a damned thing. Peace.
The request
I have been dating this guy for five years and I really love him a lot. He has been there for me and my daughter but the problem is he has two kids by another woman and he messes around with her also and he is not willing to make a choice on who he wants to be with.
He buys me nice things and I always have money but I don't have him to myself and he won't allow me to date other guys without jumping on me. I care about him a lot and the situation is very messed up. I guess we will never have a future as long as he wants two women. I have left him before but I always go back what do you think I should do!!
Aalize replies
Ms. Thang, It appears that he has already made a choice, he does not want to commit to you right now and that's why he hasn't. You left him before, yet you came trotting back to be mistreated again.
If you want a committed relationship with this man, accept nothing less. If he just can't commit to you, you already know what you MUST do. Now, do it.